I Love …

Think about a time when one of your friends was going through a difficult time. What did you do? 

You probably gave them the best advice you could and followed it with a promise to be there for them whenever and wherever. 

Now, think about a recent time you felt heartache, stress or anxiety. What advice did you give yourself? 

I’ve been thinking about love a lot lately, especially self love. I’m guilty of trying to be all things for everyone sometimes but not giving the same treatment to myself. 

For example, I’ll give a friend a hug and remind them that everything will be fine when they face something challenging. I’ll sometimes tell myself to just deal with it and keep it pushing when I’m in a similar situation. 

Why is that? 

This has also led me to think about self love as a young man in the singles club (an unofficial club for the single peeps in the world). It’s easy to think it takes someone else to give the love I should give myself. 

Dr. Kristen Neff, one of the world’s leading self compassion experts, gave a perfect picture of how self love should look. 

“Self-compassion involves treating yourself with the same kindness, concern, and support you’d show to a good friend. When faced with difficult life struggles, or confronting personal mistakes, failures, and inadequacies, self-compassion responds with kindness rather than harsh self-judgment, recognizing that imperfection is part of the shared human experience.”

(Neff & Dahm, 2015)

My biggest takeaway from these words is the notion of being your own best friend. 

Think about it. You probably know almost everything, if not everything, about your best friend- their habits, favorite foods, hobbies, etc. 

Do you know yourself the same way? 

I believe self love is forgiving ourselves like we do others, being patient with ourselves like we are with others, being happy for ourselves like we are for others, believing in ourselves like we do others, supporting ourselves like we do others, and being honest with ourselves like we are with others. 

There’s also an awareness that says even when no one else is there, I know I can be strong for myself. Not to say you should do life alone but that you don’t need others to co-sign everything you do. 

Whether you find yourself in love or attending the singles meet up on Valentine’s Day (totally made up), I hope you take time to check your heart and remember that loving yourself is one of the best decisions you’ll ever make.